I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
