Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
