I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize