I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
