the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
