Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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