4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
