she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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