apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so let's talk penis.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
