Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
