I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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