i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
