i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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