So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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