At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
my liver is dry heaving
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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