Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
