Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
