Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
