I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
