Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
