Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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