The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
