Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
