My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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