Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
