Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
