Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
