we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
