Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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