I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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