people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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