Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
