i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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