grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
