you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
