boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
