I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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