My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
