Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
