she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
