we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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