I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
