Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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