Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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