I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
