I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
