When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
