Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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