I love black thongs
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
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