Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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