I heard we made out
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am mentally ready for anal.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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