This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
