She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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