I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She's the barista slut.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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