Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
