Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize