ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
