Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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