My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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