i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
