I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
