i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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