she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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