It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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