so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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