Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
