Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
