Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
