she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
