Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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