I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
