Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
