Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
