You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He better not be in your backpack
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
