All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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